When, Against Your Better Judgment, You Open an Email Entitled “Orange Speedo,” You Deserve What You Get. (OR: More Pat Onstad Photoshop Fun)
By: Laurie |
2 Comments
(Oh, what? Stop whining. Like the post title didn’t warn you?)
Email exchange. Topic line “Orange Speedo. ” Same anonymous friend/Sounders fan I talked about in the previous post. We are both thinking about the upcoming game with “Forever Orange” Houston.
Him to me: [Link to the following photo.] (laurie’s aside: Given that I have no idea who the guy is, I have taken the liberty of removing the face. Which I’m pretty sure is far less painful than it sounds.)
Me to him: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Him to me: But…it was orange!
Me to him: So are cheetos. That does not make them sexy.
Me to him, again: P.S. I dare you to photoshop Pat Onstad’s face onto that one.
So I guess in a way I’m to blame for the following photos.
(You’re welcome.)
Stressed About the Game? Laughter is the Best Medicine. Well, Okay, Laughter and Beer. You’ll Need to Provide the Beer
By: Laurie | 8 Comments
This comes to me courtesy of a friend who wishes to remain anonymous. Not sure why. If I were capable of such photoshop creativity? I’d be claiming the hell out of it.
P.S. As I was doing tags for this post, I typed in “Hous” as in Houston. One of the options it gave me, apparently from sometime in the past (yes, on this blog) was “Little House on the Prairie.”
This is me, sitting here with little cartoon question marks coming out of my head.
But because of this, I had to add it as a tag on this post, just so I could click on it and see where it led.
P.P.S. Oh. Okay. Now I remember. Wow. I was really pissed at Tim Weyland after the LA game, wasn’t I?
P.P.P.S. I am SO immature.
Sounders Beat the Galaxy (no, not THAT Way), Plus Some Rave Green Links
By: Laurie | Add Comments
First thing: thanks to all of you (with an able assist by Pat Onstad), Seattle Offside is now the top MLS blog on The Offside, having FINALLY beaten my old blog, the Galaxy, now ably manned by Jen and Nathan.
Not only that, but among The Offside’s 280 blogs, we’re just this close to breaking into the top 15, which currently includes heavyweights like Arsenal, Liverpool, Lyon…. Oh, and HABS, the site dedicated to players in various states of undress.
Oh, what? I’m just throwin’ it out there.
So to everybody who’s stopped by this site to check out a score, offer an opinion, or see Freddie Ljungberg in his underwear? Thank you. You made my week. I love you all.
And now for some of the fun stuff currently being seen ’round the blogosphere:
- Jose over at the Seattle Times has an interview with Craig Waibel. Spoiler: Craig is nothing but complimentary of us and thrilled for our success. Even as he plans to beat our team.
- Yamsmos over at GoSounders wants to know: Do you hedge your bets? (Come on, ‘fess up. You know who you are.)
- Oh, and also? Team plane. SeaTac. 10 p.m., C01888. Be there. (It will be dry, so you have no excuse.)
Category: Seattle Team News$100 Fine for Pat Onstad. A Hundred Freakin’ Dollars. Oh, Did I Mention? MLS Are Cowards
By: Laurie | 42 Comments
So back when I was about five, my family got really bad service in a restaurant. So bad that my parents very uncharacteristically decided not to leave a tip.
Later, when we were driving away, I started crying.
“What’s wrong?” says my mom. Says I: “I forgot my nickel!”
My mother was, of course, horrified. Because leaving no tip is kind of…ambiguous. Leaving a nickel tip is a slap-in-the-face insulting statement.
That’s kind of how I feel about Pat Onstad’s “punishment” for his shoulder slam on Fredy Montero. It was announced today and is…
Read the rest of this entry »
Category: Seattle Team NewsToo Many Nominees. We Need a Plan. Vote for Marshall and Ianni. Or Kasey and Fredy. Or…Damn. I Hate Decisions
By: Laurie | 4 Comments
Goal of the Year. Save of the Year.
(Oh. Wait. Excuse me. “AT&T Goal of the Year” and“Degree Men Save of the Year.” Because I’m pretty sure that none of this would have been possible with the wrong antiperspirant and long-distance plan.)
At any rate, we have a bunch of candidates for both. Almost too many.
The issue here is that Seattle has eight candidates for Goal of the Year — fully 20% of the total — and four for Save of the Year (10%.) What this means is that if we don’t focus our attentions, we risk having our votes cancel each other out. If this happens, we’d see any voting advantage we get from our huge fan numbers erased. Or eclipsed by Dallas spambots, who, if they could, would cheerfully award “Top Serial Killer AND World’s Best Dad” to Jeff Cunningham and/or Dario Sala.
(Irrelevant aside: Is anybody else surprised to see this kind of thing coming from Dallas? Not that I consider the city too ethical; just that I never thought they were smart enough.)
But anyhoo. To keep this from happening, we need a strategy. We need to pick a goal (or two) and a save (or two) and focus on those. My recommendations below:
Category: Seattle Team NewsPat Onstad for “Fair Play” and other Rave Green Ironies and Oddities in the End-of-Year Award Nominations
By: Laurie | 11 Comments
Show of hands, all you legit journalists out there. After last Thursday, how many of you are thinking, “Wait! Wait! I didn’t mean it! I want my vote back!”
My guess is at least a few of the folks who voted for Senor Belly Bump, Houston goalkeeper Pat Onstad, for the “Fair Play Award.” Because if “fair play” is all about knocking down a player who’s half your size in a fit of rage, you are using a different dictionary from mine.
(Of course, there are also those who are thinking, “Montero got what he deserved! Is it too late to vote for Onstad?” But I’m pretty sure I have nothing to say to you, Mr. Onalfo.)
And Pat? If you receive this award, you’d better at least have the decency to blush when you go onstage to accept it. And then, as penance for your behavior — and for the love of all that is decent — lay off the Grecian Formula.
Category: Seattle Team NewsVote: Marshall or Ianni for Sunday?
By: Laurie | 2 Comments
A not-so-horrible dilemma to have: two great choices to play alongside Jhon Kennedy Hurtado in central defense on Sunday.
On the one hand, Tyrone Marshall. Experienced and solid. His pairing with Hurtado is established. When they’re on the pitch together, miscommunications are few. And he’s scored a couple of times in important games on set pieces.
On the other, Patrick Ianni. He’s shown that he can get the job done against Houston, which just happens to be his former team. He scored a goal-of-the-week against them at Qwest during the season, and had two near-misses last Thursday. And he looks like he has the potential to be even more lethal on set pieces than Tyrone.
The current status on Marshall is this:
Tyrone Marshall said he had a “procedure” done on his right knee on Friday, and that he needs 48 to 72 hours of resting the knee before he can feel right, or not feel soreness in the knee.
But let’s ignore that. If you’re Sigi and both are available, who do you go with?
Which central defender would you like to see start on Sunday?(surveys)
Category: Seattle Team NewsGushing Blood Special and Some Rave Green Links
By: Laurie | 3 Comments
After watching this video of Juventus’ Mauro Camoranesi, I’m thinking that the original Zombie Jaqua didn’t have it so bad. (Not for the squeamish.)
And now some fun stuff from around the blogosphere:
Category: Seattle Team NewsAnybody Else Catching the Other Playoff Games? What do you Think?
By: Laurie | 17 Comments
I’m watching NE-Chicago right now (well, not technically right now, since it’s halftime) and I’m finding myself thinking a couple of things.
1) In general, our players are a fair bit more technically skilled than New England’s.
2) So how the hell did we lose to New England again? Twice?
3) On the other hand… Wow. That Mansally free kick that led to the New England goal was something else. I wish Freddie could do that. Or I wish we’d pick up a dead ball specialist in the off season. (What’s Juninho doing these days?)
4) Oh, what?! A woman can dream, can’t she?)
5) Jon Busch got his clock cleaned by Shalrie Joseph. He went up over the top, then fell the length of Joseph’s body and landed on his shoulders/head. I’m amazed he’s still out there. (Also a little surprised that Toledo let play continue. NE hit the post on a keeper-free net.)
6) This game is far more entertaining than I expected.
I’m expecting LA-Chivas to be a defensive snoozefest with one or two counter-attacking goals. I hope I’m wrong. (About the defensive snoozefest. Not the goals.)
Anybody else watching the games? What do you think?
Category: Seattle Team NewsI Wish I had Seen this BEFORE Halloween
By: Laurie | 4 Comments
Why, oh, why, did I not find this site till this morning?
It’s Zombie FC — dedicated to combining the best of Sounders and Halloween. Complete with Sounders logo pumpkin carving instructions AND directions for dressing as Zombie Jaqua.
Hilarious. I hope they’re not on hiatus now for another year. (Because Jaqua zombies never go out of style.)
C’mon, guys. I’m dying to see what you can do if you put your creativity towards Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day…
But first maybe you could start with a little something for a “We Hate Onstad” day? (Grizzly bears optional.)
Category: Seattle Team News
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