A Season Ends
But Love Goes On

Through all these games, roastin’ and freezin’,
We’ve loved this team far beyond reason
Through so many starts
you captured our hearts
Thanks, guys, for a wonderful season.

Jorge Gonzalez. That’s the referee. Has he reffed for us before? Can’t remember anything about him. Without more information, I might as well assume he’s good, right? Why not? I mean, why not even assume he’s really, really good? As in, “This is the kind of perfection that would occur if Alex Prus and God had a love child.”

Please?

Email exchange. Topic line “Orange Speedo. ” Same anonymous friend/Sounders fan I talked about in the previous post. We are both thinking about the upcoming game with “Forever Orange” Houston.

Him to me: [Link to the following photo.] (laurie’s aside: Given that I have no idea who the guy is, I have taken the liberty of removing the face.)

Me to him: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Him to me: But…it was orange!

Me to him: So are cheetos. That does not make them sexy.

Me to him, again: P.S. I dare you to photoshop Pat Onstad’s face onto that one.

So I guess in a way I’m to blame for the following photos.

(You’re welcome.)

P.S. As I was doing tags for this post, I typed in “Hous” as in Houston. One of the options it gave me, apparently from sometime in the past (yes, on this blog) was “Little House on the Prairie.”

This is me, sitting here with little cartoon question marks coming out of my head.

But because of this, I had to add it as a tag on this post, just so I could click on it and see where it led.

P.P.S. Oh. Okay. Now I remember. Wow. I was really pissed at Tim Weyland after the LA game, wasn’t I?

P.P.P.S. I am SO immature.

So why did I print my playoff tickets out as soon as I had the option? If I’d waited, Sigi and Kasey would have personally called my house to remind me. Well, okay, robo-called. But still…

Crap. These guys better win.

• The “Holy Toledo!” award to:
  Referee Baldomero Toledo and his band of merry men.

  Oh, Baldo. (May I call you Baldo?) I must say that after the games you’ve reffed previously in Seattle, I was starting to wonder if you were one of those referees. You know. The kind who are so desperate to prove they’re not influenced by the home crowd that they end up making biased decisions the other way. In my mind I’d even created an award for this behavior: The “Nyah, nyah, you’re not the boss of me!” award. (Aka the “Tim Weyland” award.) Which I will now save for another time, and preferably for another referee.

  Granted, nobody’s perfect. But this game was about the players on the field and not about the refereeing decisions. Come back again soon.

• The “I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE ALL GROWED UP” award to:
  Steve Zakuani. Starting regularly has been a really good thing for the Zak Attack. The more playing time he gets, the more comfortable he becomes — and the more that Arsenal training comes through, so that it’s now taking a minimum of two defenders to shut the guy down. Just a few little areas that still need work. (Like, y’know, not blasting balls into the stratosphere over open nets.) I hope we can hold onto him for a few more years so we can see how this story ends.
• The “BUT TRULY, AT THE END OF YOUR LIFE YOU’LL THANK US,” award to:
  Dallas player Jeff Cunningham.
  We saved your immortal soul by shutting you down, dude. Plus you still get the Golden Boot. You’re welcome.
• The “BRICK WALL” award to:
  Our defense. You guys are amazing.

  And plus? After last night I don’t think anyone ever again will consider “dribbling straight at Leo Gonzalez” to be good strategy. For this, Leo, we’ll forgive the Atiba Harris goal.

• The “PRETTY MUCH THE COOLEST TIFO EVER” award to:
  ECS for that humongous “Sounders Forever” banner.

  The thought of what it took to make this boggles my mind, ladies and gents. Nicely done.

• The “UMMM…TRIBUTE? WHAT TRIBUTE?!?” award to:
  Greg Vanney, Kevin Calabro and the broadcast team for not even mentioning the Charlie Davies tribute as it was going on.
• The “I MAY HAVE TO EAT MY WORDS” award to:
  Nate Jaqua. Who was beating defenders all over the place.

  Must admit, I had my doubts about you at right midfield, Nate. (I believe my exact words were, “Whose brilliant drunken idea was that?”) Another performance or two like this, though, and I will eat my words. Exhibit A: Your amazing work holding onto possession to create the opportunity for the second goal. (And well done on your goal, too.)

• And finally, the “YOU’RE RIGHT. WE TRULY ARE AMAZING” award to the “Man” of the Match:
  Us, the fans.

  Did anybody else think, before this season, that we’d be seeing this kind of atmosphere at a soccer match in the US in our lifetimes?

  I feel thrilled and honored to have been a part of it.

The, “ACTUALLY, THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THIS SIDE” award to:
Seattle Sounders for making the playoffs with a game to spare.

Did anybody else read headlines this morning like, “Chicago fail to clinch” and think: “Haha! For once they’re not writing about us!” Cruel, yes. But dammit, we deserve to gloat a bit!

The “BREAKING THE JINX” award to:
The green kits. Did you know we were 0-3-0 in all-green going into this match? We can now make that 1-3-0.

Or: Whew. I can scratch that one off my superstition list.

The “WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO HAVE THE BOYS PRACTICE THE CROSSBAR CHALLENGE?” award to:
Steve Zakuani and Nate Jaqua and whichever member of the training staff had the brilliant idea to have the boys do the Crossbar Challenge.

Guys, you do remember that the goal during games is to get the ball inside the net. Right?

(Although I suppose Nate should get at least a partial pass here for getting it right when it really counted.)

The “WAIT, WHAT? THIS GAME LETS YOU SCORE GOALs WITH YOUR HEAD?!?” award to:
Roger Levesque.

Atta boy, Roger! You show the big boys how it’s done!

The “SO YOU HAD A BAD DAY” Award to:
Fredy Montero. Needs no explanation.

It’s okay, sweetie. It happens. Shake it off. I would recommend clicking on the link and listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks sing the song about half a dozen times. Then you’ll be ready to come back and lead us past Dallas and through the playoffs.

The “YOU GOT THAT RIGHT” award to:
Kevin Souter (? the Scottish guy who did the KC broadcast on MLSnet) for the following quote after Marshall’s goal:

“I don’t know they can do that. [i.e. sit back and defend a lead.] They’re a team that’s designed to attack.”

No kidding, Kevin. Although I’m afraid I must again give out the…

“THE FIELD HAS TWO ENDS, REDUX” award to:
The post-Jaqua-goal Seattle Sounders for allowing way too much play in their own half in the last fifteen minutes.

Gentlemen? You know when I gave you this award last time? That was called sarcasm. I did not mean to give the impression that this award was something to aim for in future matches.

The, “YOU’RE NOT REALLY ANGLING FOR A EUROPEAN LOAN DEAL, ARE YOU?” award to:
Freddie Ljungberg. Because three assists in one match kind of makes it look like you are.

The “WAY TO MAN UP” award to:
Kasey Keller for confessing in the post-game press conference that he called the defense off the ball on the first goal because he though it was going wide.

Leo Gonzalez’s credibility thanks you, Kasey.

The “KIND OF LIKE YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S GIRDLE” award to:
Community America Ballpark and its tiny, tiny pitch.

It’s tight, it’s confining, and breathing soon becomes optional. But ultimately you kind of get comfortable with it.

And finally, on a personal note, the “THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART” award to:
The 2009 Seattle Sounders.

I’ve mentioned this before, both here and elsewhere, but when your family is facing tough stuff it’s kind of nice to have something as normal as a soccer game to look forward to every week. So…thanks, guys, for giving your fans a great inaugural season.

And last night I got to thinking that the Sounders deserve some awards of their own. And so, without further ado, I bring you:

The Utterly Unofficial Awards the Sounders and Crew REALLY Deserve

The “SNAPPED LIKE A TWIG” award to:
The Columbus Crew’s 22-game home win streak.

Sorry to do that to you, guys.

Except not really.

The “STATISTICS ARE SUDDENLY OUR FRIENDS” Award to:
The beautiful folks at Sports Club Stats, who now report that our team’s chances of reaching the playoffs are 97.52%.

(Speaking of stats, though, best to just ignore this one: Columbus 17 shots, Seattle 7. Because the number that really counts is this one: 3 points.)

The “THERE’S NOPLACE LIKE HOME (FOR THE WIN)” award to:
Sigi Schmid. He made Columbus the best in the league last year. They are top of the heap again this year. And yet his upstart expansion club walked away with the three points. That has to feel good.

The “CIRQUE DU SOLEIL” award to:
Tyrone Marshall for that amazingly acrobatic overhead kick to clear Steve Lenhart’s goalbound header. Tyrone, even at almost 35, you are amazing.

The “THE GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP HAS SAILED” award to:
Shirley Temple Steve Lenhart, for having that great chance and several others go for naught. Steve, remember the last time our teams met, when you got Tyrone sent off while being less than a boy scout yourself?

Karma’s a bitch.

The “REMEMBER, BOYS, THE FIELD HAS TWO ENDS” award to:
The second half Sounders.

C’mon, guys. If you continue to play entires halves in your own final third while allowing chance after chance in a must-win game, all of your fans will have heart attacks and will then be unable to renew their season tickets. And none of us wants that.

The “BOY WHO CRIED WOLF” award to:
Alejandro Moreno, for getting a yellow for diving while getting very few calls that went his way.

You’re sellin’, son, but referee Ricardo Salazar ain’t buyin’. And you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

The “THAT CREAKING SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE COSMIC SCALES REBALANCING” award to:
Seattle Sounders. How many games have they played beautifully and not come away with three points? Far too many. And the fact that our DP fires a penalty wide in our last meetup and theirs fires one wide in this one?

Can’t possibly be coincidental.

The “THAT’S THE WAY THE BALL BOUNCES, AND IT SUCKS” award to:
Osvaldo Alonso.

How the HELL did that shot not go in?

The “THE FIRST TIME IS ALWAYS THE BEST. AT LEAST UNTIL THE SECOND TIME” award to:
Roger Levesque.

So his first MLS goal just happens to be the one that wins the game against the top team in the league and significantly ups the Sounders’ chances of a playoff spot?

C’mon, Roger. You can do better than that.

The “I’M USING THE WORD ‘CLASSY’ IN A COMPLETELY NON-SARCASTIC WAY” award to:
Columbus Crew fans, for, from what I could see, being decent to Sigi on his return.

You didn’t have to do that, people. But it was good to see.

The “RAVE GREEN SEAWALL” award to:
Our defense. You are officially amazing. And the best in the league.

(The name “Seawall” was one of the answers to a request for a nickname for the back four in the Seattle Times. My favorite was “Seawall,” but I was also kind of partial to “Studs Up,” which was apparently from a female and referred not so much to onfield play as to the fact that they’re apparently rather easy on the eyes. Or, y’know, so I’ve been told.)

And finally, I’d like to offer up an honorary award based on the above link. (The “best in the league” one.)
The “SCOTS CAN’T SPELL” award goes to:
Steve Clare of Prost Amerika.

“Defense” has an “s,” dude. Deal with it.

Or we could write a song dedicated to our argumentative Designated Player, who will be missing the next game due to yellow card accumulation because he just Could. Not. Shut. His. Effing. Mouth.

(FYI, I believe “Lju” is pronounced “Lyooo.”)

The Freddie Ljungberg Card Accumulation Song
Sung to the tune of “Oh My Darling, Clementine.”

You must whine and you must argue
and you cannot shut your trap
now you’re taking a vacation
and the team will play like crap

CHORUS:
Shut the F*** up, Shut the F*** up
Shut the F*** up Freddie Lju
There’s a ref’ree with a red card
and he’s waiting just for you.

Now the team could miss the playoffs
And you know they’re gonna blame
the Swedish guy who couldn’t shut up
Freddie Ljungberg is his name

CHORUS

(Photo: Prost Amerika Soccer)

Jaqua, Montero, Ianni all should have scored. Montero could not have gotten any closer on his penalty, but Ianni and Jaqua both blew it from less than 5 yards out right in front of the net… Please, feel free to leave your laments, especially in the form of poetry and I will try and take a more in-depth look into this annoying and irritating loss later today….

********

(Laurie is slipping in here late to add a little Sounders Poetry to get you motivated to comment.)

~~~*@*~~~

A Melancholy Ode
to Missed Opportunities

US consensus on healthcare?
China out of Tibet?
The only thing more unlikely would be
a Sounder finding the net

~~~*@*~~~