Seattle vs. Columbus: The Utterly Unofficial Awards They REALLY Deserved

By: Laurie | October 5th, 2009

keller Last year during the playoffs I got tired of the standard, usual awards (MotM? yawn) and decided to create my own. (Columbus fans, your team features in two of those links. Im guessing that you’ll be happier clicking on them rather than reading this one. Just a thought.)

And last night I got to thinking that the Sounders deserve some awards of their own. And so, without further ado, I bring you:

The Utterly Unofficial Awards the Sounders and Crew REALLY Deserve

The “SNAPPED LIKE A TWIG” award to:
The Columbus Crew’s 22-game home win streak.

Sorry to do that to you, guys.

Except not really.

The “STATISTICS ARE SUDDENLY OUR FRIENDS” Award to:
The beautiful folks at Sports Club Stats, who now report that our team’s chances of reaching the playoffs are 97.52%.

(Speaking of stats, though, best to just ignore this one: Columbus 17 shots, Seattle 7. Because the number that really counts is this one: 3 points.)

The “THERE’S NOPLACE LIKE HOME (FOR THE WIN)” award to:
Sigi Schmid. He made Columbus the best in the league last year. They are top of the heap again this year. And yet his upstart expansion club walked away with the three points. That has to feel good.

The “CIRQUE DU SOLEIL” award to:
Tyrone Marshall for that amazingly acrobatic overhead kick to clear Steve Lenhart’s goalbound header. Tyrone, even at almost 35, you are amazing.

lenhart The “THE GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP HAS SAILED” award to:
~~Shirley Temple~~ Steve Lenhart, for having that great chance and several others go for naught. Steve, remember the last time our teams met, when you got Tyrone sent off while being less than a boy scout yourself?

Karma’s a bitch.

The “REMEMBER, BOYS, THE FIELD HAS TWO ENDS” award to:
The second half Sounders.

C’mon, guys. If you continue to play entires halves in your own final third while allowing chance after chance in a must-win game, all of your fans will have heart attacks and will then be unable to renew their season tickets. And none of us wants that.

The “BOY WHO CRIED WOLF” award to:
Alejandro Moreno, for getting a yellow for diving while getting very few calls that went his way.

You’re sellin’, son, but referee Ricardo Salazar ain’t buyin’. And you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

The “THAT CREAKING SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE COSMIC SCALES REBALANCING” award to:
Seattle Sounders. How many games have they played beautifully and not come away with three points? Far too many. And the fact that our DP fires a penalty wide in our last meetup and theirs fires one wide in this one?

Can’t possibly be coincidental.

The “THAT’S THE WAY THE BALL BOUNCES, AND IT SUCKS” award to:
Osvaldo Alonso.

How the HELL did that shot not go in?

The “THE FIRST TIME IS ALWAYS THE BEST. AT LEAST UNTIL THE SECOND TIME” award to:
Roger Levesque.

So his first MLS goal just happens to be the one that wins the game against the top team in the league and significantly ups the Sounders’ chances of a playoff spot?

C’mon, Roger. You can do better than that.

The “I’M USING THE WORD ‘CLASSY’ IN A COMPLETELY NON-SARCASTIC WAY” award to:
Columbus Crew fans, for, from what I could see, being decent to Sigi on his return.

You didn’t have to do that, people. But it was good to see.

The “RAVE GREEN SEAWALL” award to:
Our defense. You are officially amazing. And the best in the league.

(The name “Seawall” was one of the answers to a request for a nickname for the back four in the Seattle Times. My favorite was “Seawall,” but I was also kind of partial to “Studs Up,” which was apparently from a female and referred not so much to onfield play as to the fact that they’re apparently rather easy on the eyes. Or, y’know, so I’ve been told.)

And finally, I’d like to offer up an honorary award based on the above link. (The “best in the league” one.)
The “SCOTS CAN’T SPELL” award goes to:
Steve Clare of Prost Amerika.

“Defense” has an “s,” dude. Deal with it.