Sigi Finally Gets the Freds to Play Together, and Here’s How it Happens
By: Laurie | May 4th, 2009
Scene: Mt. Rainier, after dusk. Freddie Ljungberg and Fredy Montero are setting up camp.
Montero: So why are we here again?
Ljungberg: We are camping. Sigi says it will promote ‘male bonding.’
Montero: What’s ‘male bonding’?
Ljungberg: I think it’s American for, “You learn to pass me the ball.”
Montero: I’m not sure I like this. It’s dark. And…creepy. And…are there bears around here?
Ljungberg: A few. But don’t worry. They’ll only come around if you have food in camp.
Montero: Okay. Good. Except…wait. Why is there a salmon in my sleeping bag?
Ljungberg: I told you not to let Le Toux pack for you.
[Silence. Sounds of frogs and owls in the background.]
Montero: So what happens now?
Ljungberg: Now I advance the bonding process by giving you advice about life based on my vast experience.
Montero: Like what?
Ljungberg: Like… Women are trouble. Get a dog instead.
Montero: Oh, great. Now you tell me.
[More frogs. More owls.]
Ljungberg: I think we are making progress, yes? We are bonding?
Montero: Um…I guess.
Ljungberg: So are you ready start passing to me?
Montero: I don’t know, Freddie. I mean, you’re a good guy and all, and I really appreciate the dog advice. But I just don’t think I need to give you the ball. Those first two games we did just fine without you. We didn’t have any problems till you started playing.
Ljungberg: Ah. It’s as Sigi suspected. He thought you would be difficult to break. He told me that I should prepare for this moment. It is time for the heavy artillery. It is time for…Kum Ba Yah.
Montero: What’s Kum Ba Yah?
Ljungberg: It’s American for “That crappy song you’re not allowed to stop singing until all your issues are resolved.”
♫
Someone’s crying, Lord
Kum Ba Yah
Someone’s crying, Lord…♫
Montero: AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!! Okay, okay, I’ll pass to you! I won’t try to dribble around three defenders when I have five other options! I’ll make runs off the ball! I’ll only take shots I can make! Just…stop! Please, please stop!!
Ljungberg: Brilliant. Our problems are solved. And Sigi, they’re right. You ARE a genius.
Thanks to Seattle Soccer Talk poster “bright” for the inspiration!
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Tags: Freddie Ljungberg, Fredy Montero, Only on Seattle Offside, Seattle Team News, The Freddie/Fredy conundrum, The True StorySubscribe
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Comments
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I was hoping for something a little more *Brokeback-ish*
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United States
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I really don’t think it’s a good idea to get my brain started along those lines, David. Must…not…think about this. Must…not…
Oh, DAMMIT. Now look what you’ve done.
Montero: If you can’t fix it, Freddie, you gotta stand it.
Ljungberg: For how long?
Montero: For as long as we can ride it. There ain’t no reins on this one.
Ljungberg: I wish I knew how to quit you!
Montero: [crying] Well, why don’t you? Why don’t you just let me be? It’s because of you Freddie, that I’m like this! It’s because of YOU that I hog the ball!
Posted from
United States -
Hehe. Just as I imagined it!
They’d have the whole mountain singing: http://www.robertweselmann.com/images/marmot.jpgPosted from
United States -
Wonderful, Laurie! Most enjoyable Sounders read of the year.
Posted from
United States -
Thanks, Ron! And thanks for the link. And I’m sorry our spam filter didn’t like your comment.
On a positive note, however, I would just like to state what a great feeling it is to wade into the spam bin, expecting only offers to enlarge body parts I don’t have, and find an actual, positive comment to rescue. Made my whole day.
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