What’s In a Name?

By: Steve | April 8th, 2008

In light of the recent naming of the Seattle Sounders FC, I decided to do a bit of research about the different names of futbol clubs around the world. I thought it would be entertaining to try and compile a list of the 10 best and
10 worst team names in the world, in any league.

The following lists are in no sense based on fact, but rather on my opinion. I appreciate that some of you may passionately disagree with some of my selections and, in fact, hope that you will respond with your own list or any suggestions you might have.

Here we go:

10 Best Team Names

1. Newell’s Old Boys (Argentina)

Club from Rosario, Argentina, founded in 1903. I love this name because it is so out of the ordinary. I hear it and I imagine a few fat, jolly, Santa Claus-looking guys sitting around sipping whiskey and smoking cigars. I know it has absolutely nothing to do with soccer. I just get this feeling that if I became a fan, I would be ushered into a library full of old, leather-bound books and given a glass of 100-years aged bourbon whiskey. No rocks for me, thanks.

2. FC Energie Cottbus (Germany)

This team has changed names more times than the artist formerly known as Prince that is now once again known as Prince. The team took on the name FC Energie in 1990 after the unification of East and West Germany.
I really just love the way the name rolls of the tongue. Plus, energie is definitely a good thing to have when playing any sport.

Factoid: On April 6, 2001, Energie FC became the first Bundesliga club to field a side made up of 11 foreign players. That is the same day I lost my virginity. Coincidence? I think not.

3. PSG (France)

It’s short. It’s simple. It’s sexy.

4. VVV-Venlo (Netherlands)

When I hear this name I think of the ESPN Deportes color commentator during Manchester United games. Whenever Rooney scores, and thats quite a lot recently, he goes “ROO ROO ROO ROOO ROO ROO ROOO ROOONNNNNNNNNNEYYYYYY,” and then proceeds to shout “GOOOOOOOOOOL” for the next 15 minutes. I imagine something similar when VVV scores. “Vee VEEEE VEEEE VEEE VEEEE VEEE VEEE VENLOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

5. Be Quick 1887 (Netherlands)

That’s what she said.

6. Rangers FC (Scotland)

Great name. Rangers are bad ass in everything from Lord of the Rings to the US Army. Have won 51 titles in the SPL, a world record. Originally named after an English rugby club.

7. Stevenage Borough FC (England)

My name is Steve. Do the math.

8. Simba FC (Uganda)

Club based in Lugazi. Fact: Lion King, best Disney movie ever.

9. SV Robinhood (Suriname)

Play in the Nottingham Forest Stadium. Just kidding.

10. Arsenal FC (England)

The EPL club is one of four club teams I know of with the name Arsenal. however, they are the original. As much as I hate them, I have to admit that having a cannon as your logo is pretty fly.

Honorable Mention: Chivas USA (USA), PSV Eidenhoven (Netherlands), La Equidad (Colombia), Al-Shorta (Iraq), Ran Ahan FC (Iran), SPAL 1907 (Italy), Colo Colo (Chile), Racing Santander (Spain), Cruz Azul (Mexico), The Strongest FC (Bolivia)

10 Worst Team Names:

Sorting through the list of club names was absolutely shocking. I couldn’t believe some of the names I saw. How do people with enough money to buy or create their own football club lack the judgment to assign them a decent name? Here they are, the bottom 10:

1. The Portland Timbers (USA)

Just for the sake of controversy. = )

2. Red Bull New York (USA)

While I have no problem with companies putting their name or logo on jerseys, I am 100% against teams carrying the companies name. I will admit NY/NJ Metrostars would be on this list if they still existed, but Redbull NY is an affront to my moral standing. This goes for Red Bull Salzburg as well.

3. BSC Young Boys (Switzerland)

Old Boys, okay. Young Boys, not so much. I hear they are sponsored by the catholic church. I will apologize now to anyone I just offended.

4. Hamilton Parish Hot Peppers (Bermuda)

Honestly, did a ten year old girl name this team?

5. Police (Isle of Man)

To quote Ice Cube: “F#%@ the Police!”

6. Punjab Police (Pakistan)

I had a hard time deciding whether or not to put this one in the top 10 or the bottom 10. I decided I couldn’t justify having a name containing Police in two separate lists. Truth be told, it should be in it’s own category.

7. Sheffield Wednesday (England)

In case you were wondering what day of the week they played, it’s not Wednesday. I do think, however, that Abergavenny Thursdays (Wales) do have their fixtures on Wednesdays.

8. Blackwell Miners Welfare (England)

What does mining and poverty have to do with footy? As far as I know, absolutely nothing.

9. Grupo Desportivo da Companha Têxtil do Punguè (Mozambique)

I’m sorry, did you say something? I was sleeping. Based in Beira, Grupo Desportivo da Companha Têxtil do Punguè feature Turkish striker Mehmet, which happens to be the most common Turkish male name.

10. Royal Bhutan Army FC (Bhutan)

The Royal Bhutan Army??? I am shaking in my boots. Not quite as scary as Singapore Armed Forces Football Club (Singapore). I hear they cane you when you pick up a card.

Honorable Mention:
Houston Dynamo (USA), Middlesbrough Ironopolis F.C. (England), Harworth Colliery Institute (England), University College Dublin A.F.C. (Ireland), Toronto Supra Portuguese (Canada) Africa Sports (Ivory Coast), Ocean Boys F.C. (Nigeria), Violet Kickers F.C. (Jamaica), Rio Cricket (Brazil), Wacker Burghausen, Alemannia Wacker Berlin, Wacker Leipzig, Wacker München, Wacker 90 Nordhausen (Gemany)