What’s In a Name?

By: Steve | April 8th, 2008

In light of the recent naming of the Seattle Sounders FC, I decided to do a bit of research about the different names of futbol clubs around the world. I thought it would be entertaining to try and compile a list of the 10 best and
10 worst team names in the world, in any league.

The following lists are in no sense based on fact, but rather on my opinion. I appreciate that some of you may passionately disagree with some of my selections and, in fact, hope that you will respond with your own list or any suggestions you might have.

Here we go:

10 Best Team Names

1. Newell’s Old Boys (Argentina)

Club from Rosario, Argentina, founded in 1903. I love this name because it is so out of the ordinary. I hear it and I imagine a few fat, jolly, Santa Claus-looking guys sitting around sipping whiskey and smoking cigars. I know it has absolutely nothing to do with soccer. I just get this feeling that if I became a fan, I would be ushered into a library full of old, leather-bound books and given a glass of 100-years aged bourbon whiskey. No rocks for me, thanks.

2. FC Energie Cottbus (Germany)

This team has changed names more times than the artist formerly known as Prince that is now once again known as Prince. The team took on the name FC Energie in 1990 after the unification of East and West Germany.
I really just love the way the name rolls of the tongue. Plus, energie is definitely a good thing to have when playing any sport.

Factoid: On April 6, 2001, Energie FC became the first Bundesliga club to field a side made up of 11 foreign players. That is the same day I lost my virginity. Coincidence? I think not.

3. PSG (France)

It’s short. It’s simple. It’s sexy.

4. VVV-Venlo (Netherlands)

When I hear this name I think of the ESPN Deportes color commentator during Manchester United games. Whenever Rooney scores, and thats quite a lot recently, he goes “ROO ROO ROO ROOO ROO ROO ROOO ROOONNNNNNNNNNEYYYYYY,” and then proceeds to shout “GOOOOOOOOOOL” for the next 15 minutes. I imagine something similar when VVV scores. “Vee VEEEE VEEEE VEEE VEEEE VEEE VEEE VENLOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

5. Be Quick 1887 (Netherlands)

That’s what she said.

6. Rangers FC (Scotland)

Great name. Rangers are bad ass in everything from Lord of the Rings to the US Army. Have won 51 titles in the SPL, a world record. Originally named after an English rugby club.

7. Stevenage Borough FC (England)

My name is Steve. Do the math.

8. Simba FC (Uganda)

Club based in Lugazi. Fact: Lion King, best Disney movie ever.

9. SV Robinhood (Suriname)

Play in the Nottingham Forest Stadium. Just kidding.

10. Arsenal FC (England)

The EPL club is one of four club teams I know of with the name Arsenal. however, they are the original. As much as I hate them, I have to admit that having a cannon as your logo is pretty fly.

Honorable Mention: Chivas USA (USA), PSV Eidenhoven (Netherlands), La Equidad (Colombia), Al-Shorta (Iraq), Ran Ahan FC (Iran), SPAL 1907 (Italy), Colo Colo (Chile), Racing Santander (Spain), Cruz Azul (Mexico), The Strongest FC (Bolivia)

10 Worst Team Names:

Sorting through the list of club names was absolutely shocking. I couldn’t believe some of the names I saw. How do people with enough money to buy or create their own football club lack the judgment to assign them a decent name? Here they are, the bottom 10:

1. The Portland Timbers (USA)

Just for the sake of controversy. = )

2. Red Bull New York (USA)

While I have no problem with companies putting their name or logo on jerseys, I am 100% against teams carrying the companies name. I will admit NY/NJ Metrostars would be on this list if they still existed, but Redbull NY is an affront to my moral standing. This goes for Red Bull Salzburg as well.

3. BSC Young Boys (Switzerland)

Old Boys, okay. Young Boys, not so much. I hear they are sponsored by the catholic church. I will apologize now to anyone I just offended.

4. Hamilton Parish Hot Peppers (Bermuda)

Honestly, did a ten year old girl name this team?

5. Police (Isle of Man)

To quote Ice Cube: “F#%@ the Police!”

6. Punjab Police (Pakistan)

I had a hard time deciding whether or not to put this one in the top 10 or the bottom 10. I decided I couldn’t justify having a name containing Police in two separate lists. Truth be told, it should be in it’s own category.

7. Sheffield Wednesday (England)

In case you were wondering what day of the week they played, it’s not Wednesday. I do think, however, that Abergavenny Thursdays (Wales) do have their fixtures on Wednesdays.

8. Blackwell Miners Welfare (England)

What does mining and poverty have to do with footy? As far as I know, absolutely nothing.

9. Grupo Desportivo da Companha Têxtil do Punguè (Mozambique)

I’m sorry, did you say something? I was sleeping. Based in Beira, Grupo Desportivo da Companha Têxtil do Punguè feature Turkish striker Mehmet, which happens to be the most common Turkish male name.

10. Royal Bhutan Army FC (Bhutan)

The Royal Bhutan Army??? I am shaking in my boots. Not quite as scary as Singapore Armed Forces Football Club (Singapore). I hear they cane you when you pick up a card.

Honorable Mention:
Houston Dynamo (USA), Middlesbrough Ironopolis F.C. (England), Harworth Colliery Institute (England), University College Dublin A.F.C. (Ireland), Toronto Supra Portuguese (Canada) Africa Sports (Ivory Coast), Ocean Boys F.C. (Nigeria), Violet Kickers F.C. (Jamaica), Rio Cricket (Brazil), Wacker Burghausen, Alemannia Wacker Berlin, Wacker Leipzig, Wacker München, Wacker 90 Nordhausen (Gemany)

Category: Seattle Team News

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Dan

There's a team in South Africa called the Dangerous Darkies... it had me shaking my head...
Catherine-Lucia

Badbaado of Somalia, man...that says it all right there...
briguy

Steve-

Irish people know that!!! Long live the Eircom League of Ireland! Go St. Patrick's!
Steve

Briguy, who the hell even knows that?
Catherine-Lucia

oops sorry agro-chemical, chemelil sugar are supposed to be under 'bad'
Catherine-Lucia

^ Agreed!!!

Good African football team names: Golden Dragon FC of Sierra Leone, Renaissance FC of Chad, Kabwe Warriors of Zambia (Warriors = fierce name), Espérance [Hope] FC of Cameroon, AS Ashanti Golden Boys of Guinea, Estrela Negra de Bissau of Guinea-Bissau, Blue Angels FC of Liberia, Raja Casablanca of Morocco, ASC Jeanne d'Arc of Senegal, Golden Arrows of South Africa, Agro-Chemical of Kenya, Chemelil Sugar of Kenya, Red Berets FC of Kenya, World Hope FC of Kenya…

Horrible African FC names? Badbaado of Somalia, Wongosport of Gabon, Maseru Naughty Boys FC (forgot country sorry), Mphatlalatsane (same forgotten country), Total Big Bullets of Malawi, Curepipe Starlight SC of Mauritius, Eleven Arrows FC of Namibia, Sunshine Stars FC of Nigeria, Ethiopian Coffee of Ethiopia, Bidvest Wits of South Africa, Eleven Men in Flight of Swaziland, Prisons FC of Tanzania, Kinyara Sugar Works FC of Uganda…
David Martinez

btw - Boca Juniors - top 10

River Plate? - worst 10.
David Martinez

Chivas USA is one of the worst names ever. It has no local branding at all. Why would Los Angelinos even think of supporting a team which doesnt include their home city?!
briguy

Wait, you like PSG, but not UCD?? Nobody calls UCD "University College Dublin A.F.C." just as nobody calls PSG "Paris Sainte-Germaine." What gives?
jason

Sounders should be on the worst list. Terrible name.
Catherine-Lucia

Ghana Premier League teams have sick names. Hearts of Oak has been mentioned, but let's not forget AshantiGold, Asante Kotoko, Heart of Lions, King Faisal Babes, Zaytuna...hello, they RULE...

I mean really. King Faisal Babes?
Roger "Pole Smoker" Leveque

About as funny as pancreatic cancer, son.
Steve

As for Chivas USA being included and not the original Chivas let me say this. I don't think that the original Chivas is that great of a name. I am of the opinion though, that naming a team CHIVAS USA is an extremely guile and intelligent marketing scheme by the owners to try and attract some of the Hispanic fan base that is faithful to Mexican soccer. I think it is a sign of a newer, better and more adept MLS that really has a chance of succeeding. I guess I should have included this in my top ten so I could have explained it better.

Thanks for all the comments so far guys. Great stuff.
Steve

Bayer Leverkusen:
AKA, company that produced Zyklon-B gas for Nazi gas chambers Leverkusen

Excellent name. Is this the tradition our MLS teams should be pursuing?
Akeem

One, your freaking wrong about the Redbulls; Its a noticeable name people can relate to a sport that a only a minority in the U.S relate to. Dynamo is pretty tight name, your just an idiot and finally, F*** you, Arsenal number one name in the world.
Juliet

I can deal with Red Bulls New York, as it follows in the long tradition of naming your team after a company (see Bayer Leverkusen). However, I've got to add my vote to Real Salt Lake -- horrible.

Even Germans agree "Wacker" sounds funny, but it more or less means "fearless." And Wacker Burghausen (3rd division) nearly kicked Bayern Munich's rear earlier this year, so there could be something to it. ;-)
ASL

Pretty Funny. It's PSV Eindhoven, though.
dylan

Dang, someone beat me to Botswana Meat Commission FC. Awesome name. It could be either 10 best or 10 worst. Or both.

However, there's another team in Botswana called Township Rollers, which is definitely one of the best names.
Rory

Okay okay okay....

Tobacco Monopoly FC from Thailand. I think you might've missed something!!!
tenaciouslee

'Indomitable Lions' is pretty bad ass, Laurie.

You should add the exception of the Texas Rangers, who are mediocre at best.
Laurie

Best NT name? Cameroon's "Indomitable Lions." No question.
Johnny

Great discussion. Just mentioning Grasshopper Club Zürich for dishonorable mention into the worst category. I'm sure there's a significant historical reference but, come on.

Zürich sounds cool but add "Club Locust" instead, and species aside, you've remade it ominous.
Isaiah

How is Chivas USA nominated but not the original Chivas of Guadalajara?
Jack

No MK Dons? I can't believe it.
Anthony Palermo

My dumbness proven by my, um, proof reading.
Anthony Palermo

If you're as dumb as I am to google Lucas' team name. For the love of God, DO NOT click 'images' to see what the logo is.

You'll find out the hard way.
Sam

Fuck tha police, indeed. Welcome Steve.
Lucas

Drew Carey's Uretha Stretchers FC
Inara

My favorite club name has gotta be Botswana Meat Commission FC. It's awful enough to be awesome.
Melissa

If its national teams, then the best name is the Socceroos.
Steve

I never considered national teams, but that could definitely be another post. Could also do the jersey or logo list.

I did consider Orlando Pirates and Kaiser Chiefs for both worst and best. I guess it really depends on your POV. Anyways, there are so many odd names it was kind of hard including everything. I tried to keep it as diverse as possible.
Ian Rose

As for national teams, I'm all about Montenegro's Brave Falcons and the Indomitable Lions of Cameroon.

Abby - oops. I still contend that Abby and Billy are entirely different situations, however.
Jarek

What about the South African teams: Kaiser Chiefs and Orlando Pirates - quite cool I think.
To the worst category - in Poland in the lower leagues there's quite a few teams that follow a habit of naming in which the name is composed of the city name and the adjective deriving from it - imagine Londoners London, New York Newyorkers or Mancunian Manchester - just plain terrible
Abby

I'm an Abby on my birth certificate, Ian. ;)

Hearts of Oak is awesome, especially because it's a Ted Leo album.

I third or fourth Real Salt Lake on being ridiculous. But at least it's an over-the-top kind of ridiculousness, which makes it at least entertaining.
Pete Sounds

Real Salt Lake blows hard, but how can Hearts of Oak of the Ghanian Premier League not get a nod as a great frigging name?
Ian Rose

Second on Real Salt Lake. As for the mining and poverty question, I'm sure it has a lot to do with the team's history. I personally think the club I support, Inverness Caledonian Thistle FC is my favorite name, but there's bias there somewhere. I've always thought it's pretty lame that the FC in Toronto FC doesn't stand for Football Club ... it's just FC. It's like naming your kid "Billy" on their birth certificate ... it's weird.
Melissa

what about the Earthquakes? Could go either way (best or worst). I have to admit, I've always hated their most recent logo crest thing. Can we have a best/worst on that?
fitz

Gotta nominate Real Salt Lake for the 10 worst.
Dwight

You forgot the King Faisal Babies...young boys isnt even all that bad when you have a team named the babies. And what kind of name for a soccer team is Thai Tobacco Monopoly...thats not even good or bad just confusing